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Age Ain
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Age Ain From time to time I receive emails with suggestions for topics to be discussed. Today's blog comes from a topic that I've explored before, but we'll dig deeper and speak more in depth on a couple of areas that are often overlooked. No one has control over matters of the heart. When cupid shoots an arrow straight through yours all you can do is allow things to happen, right? Well what if that person is twice your senior or junior? Yes, I'm talking about an older man and younger woman/older woman and younger man. In a previous blog the discussion centered on the health of your older mate, wanting and of course sex, but what about other factors that make such a union difficult to maintain? My reader wanted to know what typically attracts someone to an older/younger person. In my opinion, I go back to that lil' imaginary angel with a bow and arrows, we do not have any kind of control over who we find ourselves attracted to. It's what happens once you find out he/she has an AARP card or he/she just entered college that things get complicated. Understand that with this blog I'm not focusing only on the over 40 club. Some of you can remember in your 20's engaging in a relationship with someone just ten years older. I've had my fair share of them that's for sure. In my 20's I dated a couple of men that were only seven years my senior and can I just tell you they always made me feel young. I would be into things that they would believe were "preschoolish", whereas, I'm looking at his old ass like this is in now. I love the 80's, but don't nobody rock dookie gold chains, high top fades and polkas dot no more ninja. Despite feeling as though you were an adult and could hang with the big leagues, weren't there some things that you just couldn't do? How about a dinner date and they can't even order a drink because 21 is at least two years away or what about going to a nice bar/lounge to hang out with friends? He/she can't get in because they have to be at least 25. In my situations I noticed our friends never seemed to have any desire to mingle simply because our interests were totally different. His friends more than likely felt my friends were childish and on the other hand we were thinking these old skool bums. In dealing with someone much older, say in their 50's there is definitely an issue with our tastes as well as how he could fit into my circle. If you were with me on the "Grady" blogs, you know it was very difficult due to his lack of getting his dick hard. In addition to that, I often thought about if I had to take him home to meet my family. Hell, the Diva would've been calling him PopPop. I envisioned him and my mom would be reminiscing of afros, the joys of black/white integration, the Four Tops and Spinners, while I would be in front of the TV shaking my ass to Souljah Boy's, Crank Dat (okay maybe not that song, but you get my drift). Talk about a generation gap. Maybe I'm exaggerating just a little, but the more I thought about this topic I was more interested in what the rest of you thought about this "age ain't nuthin' but a number" attitude when it comes to dating older/younger mates and bringing them into your circle. Is that really the case when your circle consists of friends/family that look at you sideways for messing with him/her? Let's talk about it. If you are involved with an older/younger mate or spouse how does it affect the other people in your lives (i.e. , family and friends)? Are they even affected? What are some other things that you see could be factors that would hinder someone from being able to look past the age? |
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Interesting, topic you chose, and extemely well written I might add. Ok, so I will jump in here with my own two cents worth. I am qualified as I am well over that 50 mark you mentioned, I am 67. I frequently, get emails from men, the last one being 20!, asking me "you into younger guys". Now let me see that is a 57 year difference. My first question is always, WHY are YOU so young with the world in front of you, looking at an old over the hill ( no not really!, and I don't believe I am) person like myself. With the great age difference that would be like going out with one of my grandkids. My own children are twice his age already. I don't honestly, think there is a problem with the age factor either male or female, so long as the distance isn't very drastic. There are women out there who even tho they are seniors neither look, or act like they are. They have a very high energy drive and quite capable of keeping up with someone 5 or 10 years their junior. The same with men. In my HUMBLE OPINION, I believe and trust me I know a couple of men that are going out with ladies well over 20 years their junior. For them, having talked to them about it, I find it's a status symbol, and it makes THEM feel young. They go around with hey, you guys, see I am not so old I can get this young chick, she thinks I am hot. For some this works, there have been some spring winter marriages that actually work, again there is nothing that can be cut in stone, it's a personal preference, and a personal lifestyle. There is no solution that works for everyone. Problems as I view them from my own age level. Take a female who is say 30 with a male who is 55. At that point they may be totally compatible, now advance a little bit. She is 50 he is 75. She is still fit as a fiddle, full of life and energy, wants to have a social life, go out, dancing, parties etc. Trust me, being 67 that is NOT the highlight of my life, especially if it's with any frequency. Even when she is 60 and now he is 85 stop and think about the 85 year olds you KNOW just how active are they? Points of interest, sure they can find some footing for discussions, however, as we age our views, likes and dis likes change. We have those memories and we have all heard them, "why when I was young, I walked 2 miles to school one way, and gas was 20 cents a gallon". Oh by the way, yes I do remember gas being 20 cents a gallon and less. The younger person can't even begin to understand or relate to why we are so outraged at the price of gas now, because it's always been somewhere around where it is currently. I always go back to an real life conversation between my brother and neice and she was like 10 at the time. Their micro wave broke, and she looked at him very unhappy and said, "now we can't have popcorn any more". Popping a bag in the micro was the ONLY way she knew how to make it. My brother laughed at her, and said watch. Then he made popcorn the old fashioned way he put it in a pot, added oil, kernels and a lid and shook it back and forth over the heat until it was all popped, then melted butter, poured it over and voila, popcorn. That remark is precisely how the conversational age gap moves along. Further, the younger person is still interested in the younger things that make them tic while the older is more settled, wants to stay in, read a book, watch tv, have some conversation and then toddle off to bed. Sex as you mentioned it. Ok, lets go there. There is an old saying use it or you lose it. With the advent of cialis, viagra and a plethora of other things out there, men now have help in that arena. Yep it works, but they have said over and over again, it ONLY works if the DRIVE and the DESIRE are there. Men even at 55 can be very sexually active, and like the energizer bunny, just keep going and going, but advance that age again, now she is only 55, still that energizer bunny, I don't care who you are, what vitamins you take, or how fit you are, there isn't a male on this planet who is 80 years old that can perform like he did when he was younger. It's physically impossible, even if the emotional and physical desire is still alive and well. That goes for women as well. The frequency that sex occurs isn't like it was when younger, so now you have one who is still a hottie, and one who is the turtle, not the hare. That leads to sexual dis satisfaction. Now, in the realm of reality, sex isn't the MAIN focus in a couples life, nor should it be. BUT it does play a large part in the normal every day routine of wanting sex and having sex. If you are the one with the high drive, and younger, and not getting any you are not going to be a happy camper. Part of the reasons for the lack of ability does come with those health problems you mentioned. I am extraordinarily healthy myself, and very athletic, and fit. Were I with someone who was older than myself I doubt highly he could keep up, ( yes I know there are some who could and would, that isn't a challenge). On the other hand, I certainly, have NO interest in someone who is 30 years my junior either. Prostate problems are VERY common in men over the age of 50, it's about 50%, in men over the age of 70 it's 80%. That effects sexual activity all by itself. I am going to be very interested in what others have to say on this one. I know personally, a very nice young lady, who married a man 30 years her senior, when she got out of school. NO ONE could talk her out of it, she was so in love with him, all conversation fell on deaf ears. She remained married to this man for over 17 years before she finally caved in and admitted she was so miserable that she moved out and got a divorce. He had BIG health problems, was sexually impotent, didn't do a thing but sit around and watch tv. She cleaned house one day, moved the furniture, he came home and threw a fit and made her move everything BACK where it had been, he didn't like change. For her birthday when she was in her late 30's he bought he some huge 12 inch dildo as her gift and that was IT!. Oh, guess I should mention this is today and now and she is only 40 and he is 65. He did like hanging out with his cronies tho and talking about the good ole days, and if she went out with the girls she was a tramp and out looking for men. Sitting back and waiting to read other responses. Lady
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