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| Blogs > rm_LOCKGURU > Sherper |
A fine line.....but there is a difference.....
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A fine line.....but there is a difference..... In a lifestyle that enjoys and promotes sexual activity between consenting adults as a healthy recreational activity. With intimate friendships where sexual boundries are freely crossed and polyamory relationships sprout roots and grow. How do you keep your personal identity, your spouse identity and the definition of your relationship? Where is the line where you both are and where everyone else in your life is? Does it become all so blurred that it becomes difficult to tell? Can you loose touch with your self, your spouse, your primary love and partner and has your relationship changed as a result of your new found lifestyle? Some of these questions can be very disturbing to consider but is it just a matter of growth? A further extension of a relationship? Is it possible to have a primary relationship healthy and strong and cultivate and enjoy relationships with others? Is it all really in the end just about sex? Some times I like to throw out there some things to think about....change focus or bring into focus just a touch of reality in our sometimes seemingly unreal world. I personally have found that with many is can be just about sex within the lifestyle. But, with some, the lucky few, it is about relationships, strengthening, a freedom of spirit mind and body that has never been experienced before. I would like to explore some of this over the next few blogs and welcome any input, ideas and thoughts from anyone out there. Sherper |
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. We are all creatures, or victims, of the conditioning and training we were exposed to in our formative years. What might be considered beyond the pale in one culture may be perfectly acceptable in another. As cognitive adults, we have the personal responsibility to make what choices best suit us: Rationally, dispassionately, and with full consideration of not only the benefits, but potential consequences, as well. Certainly, both partners in a relationship need to be in accord with the experiment. What happens if one partner feels that the experiment didn't prove out the hypothesis..? . . Been a while since they last let me out into polite society. Resurfacing, catching a breath, & catching up.  And while I got my Broad-Brimmed Pimping Hat on, could I cajole all of y'all to Comment on, Alone In A Cloud? It's probably the best thing that I've written! Lately... .
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True...but we have met many people, couples, FBs, and those who are couples in life...or convenience....that actually do not fit that mold. Their experiences while growing up would be considered normal and perfectly acceptable with the average experience: strict, structured and would be considered by many standards a very moral upbringing. Yet they are living as....yet as more mature adults.....a much more radical lifestyle. And it isn't just the lifestyle. It is the change that takes place once immersed in it. Does it broaden ones mind and expectations? Can humans seek, enjoy and emotionally deal with not only diverse emotional relationships but those uniquely and intimately complicated? Their ability to cope in a diverse emotional mix and or sexually charged situations? Or again is it like they say...mammals-animals we have certain drives and instincts and this is the more natural course for human adults? Sherper
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I think to start the ball rolling I will throw out some thoughts on our personal relationship. Our experience for the past 8 years in the lifestyle has been all and all a very positive one. We both tend to be more Polyamory oriented. We prefer close ties with our intimate friends and with some…the closer the better. We have had in the past some very close loving intimate friends. It has only added to our rich lives. Not that we have not had our ups and downs like anyone in this lifestyle. Brief insecurities…concerns. The lifestyle has opened new doors and in many good ways stretched the boundaries of our relationship. As many of our friends know we have known each other since high school....33 years...and been in bed together for .....33 years. LOL so you do get to learn about each other. We also know that we are much more Polyamory then just Swinger orientated. With that it can bring emotional riches….and stumbles that can be tougher then your standard couple’s relationship. I think where things get fuzzy is keeping in mind the primary relationship. We see it in people we meet and sometimes in the friends we have where one is....as well meaning as can be....maybe a little oblivious of the needs or loss of their primary partner. They are so wrapped up in the moment or with the person or persons they are with...or planning to be with that person that they loose sight of their primary love. Or sometimes their personality completely changes and that could include their goals as well.....leaving the primary partner to wonder what is going on…..but not really wanting to be the "bad guy" or "bad gal" to voice a concern. Can you recognize this situation? Have you had this situation? What do you do to keep what makes you as a couple.....a couple...special from the rest. This also brings a whole new topic....There is sex...sex for fun.....loving or intimate sex with close friends and then there is making love with your spouse. Where are you and your partner and what are the differences for you? Sherper
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2/14/2008 8:40 am |
I have been known to get lost in Princessland occasionally  But having good communication with your primary partner is the key. You have to be able to talk about the good and the bad. Sometimes what Im feeling maybe silly or just a misperception on my part, but I know I can talk to him about anything    
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You have hit it on the head. The key is communication. Not telepathy....your lover has no idea what is on your mind or in your heart unless you are willing to sit down and talk to them directly, openly and honestly. It is absolutely amazing how many people...couples....can play in the lifestyle, play with others, but can't tell thier SO or lover what it is they like, do not like or what is bothering them. And then it grows to some level of our of control anger. Talking, listening, empathy and the desire to do what it takes to make your partner know you are there for them as they are there for you. Your willingness to curb your appetites and desires at that moment to make sure your number one is happy and content and knows he or she is first in your mind and heart. Because in the end what it all comes down to anything and everything else beyond them is an extra and no good without them in it. Sherper
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