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Whipped Cream, Chocolate, and Love!
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Whipped Cream, Chocolate, and Love! Ms. Lawless and I met for the first time on March 17, 2009. She told me that I was her #1 boyfriend on April 17, 2009. I think I can make a case that Thursday, July 30th, 2009, was the day we became a couple. That Thursday was a “quiet” day, at least from the standpoint that we didn’t have anything planned. Ms. Lawless was not happy that morning, and the location of all of the dishes in her kitchen, as well as her house needing a good cleaning, were really bothering her, so much so that she was throwing out a few “Good Lord’s!” as she looked at how kitchen utensils were arranged in one cabinet. I sheepishly tried to explain why I had arranged them the way I had, which didn’t help her mood any ‒ she didn’t want excuses for why the stuff wasn’t put up right … she just wanted the stuff put up right! She quipped that she was in such a bad mood at the moment that I should go for a workout at the 24 Hour Fitness Club a few blocks away, for my own safety. I took her up on that suggestion, which really wasn’t so much a suggestion as a plea for me to give her some space. As I left the house I was feeling pretty raw. It just seemed like the nicer I tried to be to her, the more stress and anxiety I caused her. She had told me several times previously that this was how she worked - that she needed time to herself in order to be her best when she was with me. I know that with me around for so many days in a row, she wasn’t getting that time to herself as much as she needed, but I honestly couldn’t figure out how to give it to her. As I took off in her car for the fitness club, my thought was that I should probably look for an early flight home once I got back, so that Ms. Lawless could have time to re-charge for the last few days of her vacation. When I got to the fitness club, I sat in the car for a few minutes, debating whether to blow off my workout and instead drive around to cool off. I was frustrated by my inability to give Ms. Lawless what she needed, and I was upset that a week that had started off so well had suddenly gone so wrong. In that frame of mind, I was concerned that I just might hurt myself in the weight room by trying to lift too much weight, as if that might solve the problem somehow. I did go ahead with my workout. Being mindful of not overdoing things kept me from doing anything dumb. And workouts such as these always seem to give me great ideas for how to solve my problems, which is one big reason why I run and why I lift. What was causing me the most angst at that particular point in time was the conversation about her concern over breaking my heart, which occurred at some point the previous evening. In response to her genuine tears and angst over this worry, I had decided to keep things light, telling her that she shouldn’t worry about breaking my heart, because she can’t as long as she is just true to herself. I really do have great confidence in her judgment and ability to communicate, which is why I believe that she’s not going to do anything to hurt me. But this statement really didn’t sit well with her ‒ she didn’t believe that she couldn’t break my heart, and since my statement sounded untrue to her, it made her suspicious of me. After thinking about what I had told her the previous night, I realized that telling her that she couldn’t break my heart also could give the impression that I really must not love her very much after all. I couldn’t stand the thought of that! Since that was completely the wrong conclusion I wanted her to draw, I resolved to tell Ms. Lawless once I returned to the house EXACTLY how I felt about her. Ms. Lawless has talked in her blogs about feeling like she was jumping off a cliff at times. As I tried to find the words to tell her, in no uncertain terms, just how much I loved her, I felt like I was jumping off of Mount McKinley. I was very concerned, based on everything she had told me about needing space, that I just might be leaving Denver that night and without a girlfriend. So I told her. I started by saying that this just might be EXACTLY the wrong thing to say at this moment, but that since I said something that might have given her the wrong impression about me last night, that I was going to say it anyway to ensure she didn’t have the wrong impression. And then I paused to steady my breathing and give my faltering voice a chance to regain its strength. I also pushed down the lump in my throat and took a moment to be sure that the queasy feeling in my stomach wasn’t going to result in me throwing up right there on her office floor. When I had successfully accomplished all of that, I was finally able to go on. I told her that I loved her enough, that I was sure enough about how great we are together, and how great she is for me, that I could very easily get down on my knee right then and there and ask her for her hand in marriage. I told her that I would have no problems signing any pre-nuptial agreement she required to protect herself, and that I could have my lawyer draw up papers for her to sign as well. I also told her that there were a lot of great reasons why I shouldn’t ask her for her hand in marriage now, like that she lives in Denver and I live in Bedford; that it’s too soon after my divorce for me to be thinking about such things; that if this love between us is real that it will still be there six months to a year from now; that I have two under the age of fifteen to take care of, and that she is looking forward to the freedom of not having any to care for very soon; and finally that marriage is way beyond the level of commitment she is looking for in a relationship ‒ certainly now, but maybe even for the rest of her life. And so, I was able to tell her all of that, somehow, and she agreed that it was way too soon for either of us to be proposing marriage. She also caught me as I was falling from Mount McKinley, setting me down very gently, by telling me in no uncertain terms that we would definitely be continuing this relationship after this weekend, and if she had her way, a long time after that. Apparently, my leap of faith turned out to be just the right thing to do, even though she told me right away that she didn’t jump to the wrong conclusion about my love for her. We were able to follow that confession up with a heartfelt, honest, and very productive conversation, touching on a lot of subjects, including how I was considering going home early before I left for the gym. We also talked at length about my , what we both thought would be my role in raising them going forward, and where I would do that from. She told me that in several past relationships she had been the pursuer, which had been very difficult and frustrating. In this relationship, she was learning that being pursued can be equally difficult and frustrating. So just as we had in the past, we talked things out, really heard each other, solved what we could, identified what we still needed to work on, and finished with the feeling that no matter what problems we have, we can solve them as long as we work together. Later, I helped her hang pictures in her lovely home. That woman knows how to decorate a home to really make it a sanctuary, a skill I am hoping she will teach me, since I will be moving back into my home in just a few weeks. By evening, I told her that I knew she was feeling all sexed out and that it was okay with me if we just chilled out for the evening. She had other plans, telling me she was definitely ready for some bonding. Wow, was she ever! Ms. Lawless dialed up a collection of songs by beautiful women on her computer. Then she gave me the reward she had promised me for meeting my goal for the Bedford 5K race. I got to tie her up using four neckties and lick whipped cream and chocolate off of her beautiful body. I even got to try my dominant side by using a riding crop (Twinkle!) I had bought for her in Phoenix. I think it’s safe to say that we both liked it. While female singers serenaded me with songs of life and love, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known made passionate love to my body and soul. My spirits soared! We went to bed early that night, and just a couple of hours later, my erection had returned as hard as ever. Ms. Lawless must have been enjoying a great sex dream, because she was making sounds that I usually hear from her when she is turned on. I caressed her naked body and soon discovered that she was wet between her legs. I wasn’t completely sure whether she was asleep or not, so I decided at that point to wake her up for sure, with some of that hot middle of the night sex that she had introduced me to back in Tampa. My lovemaking did wake her up, at least long enough for her to ask me to stop so she could go to the bathroom. Once I let her up, she made a move to get up off the bed, but she immediately fell back to sleep for the rest of the night! I guess you might say that she was kind of tired! Ever since that night, at least from my perspective, things have gone from great to fantastic between us. Ms. Lawless seems to be very at ease with loving me. Although we’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend since mid-April, we reached a new level of understanding and closeness on July 30th. Love, Your Shy, Swinging, Friendly Neighborhood SensitivePerv  |
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I am shocked that I told you, after just a month, that you were my #1 boyfriend...not because you aren't fabulous but because it doesn't seem possible to me that we covered that much ground in that short of time. In fact, I have a hard time believing that we've only known each other since mid-March. We've sure packed a whole lot of living (and loving) into such a short amount of time. I remember the conversation you are talking about - and you are right. On the surface it seemed like it would be exactly the wrong thing to bring up at that time..but it totally worked. We really do have something special - that ability to come together and work through whatever we need to and build a foundation that will serve us well for a long time. And you are also right about that being the day that a huge chunk of my concerns eased and I was able to relax into us...actually the whole week did that for me. Somehow, I have found the ability to be more myself with you than I thought possible and I think that goes back to how much I trust you - trust you to hear me, to be gentle, to be true to yourself, to be honest and to love me - even when I'm not being very lovable (or at least feel that way). As for the falling back asleep before I could even get up and pee - too funny! My bad! Thanks for not heading home and hanging in there...I'd say it paid off!!! Always tell the truth Use kind words Keep your promises Giggle and laugh Be positive Love one another Always be grateful Forgiveness is mandatory Try new things Say please and thank you Say your prayers Smile ~Author unknown
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