hmmmm
|
Posted:Jun 11, 2006 9:13 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 8:21 pm
646 Views
|
well.. its been a bit since i hvae updated this...not really sure what to update it with... life has ben really weird.. been lots of highs and lows... seems like more lows though....
i dunno.. lately, i have just been feeling old, tired and lonely... but mostly lonely. not really sure why either...
somethign got me thinking about my life... and i started questioning things. nothing major, at first... than i did the stupid thing, and asked myself what i had to show for it all....
yeah.. not too bright on my part. i guess alot of the stuff i can live with in my life, my choices, my mistakes, my fault.. im a grown man, and i have no problem taking responsibility there.
*breathe in* 1...2...3..4...5...6...7..8..9...10... *breathe out*
lonely... i seem to be one of those ppl that can be in a room filled with people, and still be comepletly alone. i had always heard that description and was never really sure what it was all about.
i guess im just hitting a rough patch in life, and kinda wishing that i at least had a shoulder to lean on... o well.. the sun still comes up tomorrow... whether i want it to or not
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
honesty
|
Posted:May 14, 2006 8:34 pm
Last Updated:May 31, 2007 11:18 am
598 Views
|
was talking with someone tonight, about life, love and all sorts of other things.. had a really good conversation (well. i still am  )
anyways... i came across a poen that i showed to her and i wanted to share it here.. i wish i could take credit for it, but alas, i cant...so here goes... some Pablo Neruda for the masses:
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."
The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.
To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.
What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.
That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.
As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.
The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.
I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.
Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.
Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.
Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.
-Pablo Neruda "Saddest Poem"
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
broaden our horizons
|
Posted:May 13, 2006 9:13 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2006 9:15 am
629 Views
|
Well.. as usual, life is intresting. I'ld love to have a nice, boring, normal day for once. well.. no.. i wouldnt..lol
so i have been talking to a woman online that i met through myspace. She is a fairly inteligent woman, she is 31, and she has a . she seems to have a great personality, good sense of humor.. all the good things you look for. the down side, is that she is fairly naive when it comes to sex, and the world of sex. now.. dont get me wrong.. its not a bad thing that she hasnt had the experiences that i have.
i have been talking to her about some of my thoughts on the diffrence between sex, and love. Damn the catholic church for making society think you couldnt have one without the other. as im sure some of you know, thats just not the case. i have been attempting to open her eyes to some realities that i have in my life. Sex is sex, love is love.. if the two are together, its fantastic, if they arent, its not a bad thing.
the thing im worried about is that if i bring her into my world, well it be similar to having sex with a virgin?... will the attitudes be the same?.. the infatuations developed for someones first, while cute, can get a bit complicated. the only reason tha ti ask this, is that the conversations are starting to head in that same direction.
though... i guess, if im trying to bring her into the world of swinging, it wouldnt have the same effect... well.. in theory anyways..lol
she has expressed to me intrest in both, threesomes, as well as being with another woman. i have faith that i would be able to help her out with both of those things, if nothing else, through this site.
i dunno.. just babbling i guess.... ill keep ya posted on how this goes
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
an intresting day
|
Posted:May 10, 2006 8:23 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 8:21 pm
611 Views
|
well.. today has had its good points.. and its bad points. well, im not sure ild call them bad, more, down.
my sinuses started acting up on me a couple days ago, and it looks like its gonna turn into a spring cold, than most likely, spring flu. wouldnt be so bad, except that i work all week.
on the brighter side, i found out today, that the game im working with a friend on, has been official recognized by the company that makes the game engine we are using. its another step towards having a carreer doing something i totally love. our goal is to have something stable up and running by mid summer, so we can start showing it around to try and get some financing for it.
well.. i guess thats about it for now.. until next time...
ps.. the image is a render of what we hope wil be one of the character types in our game
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Lies?
|
Posted:May 6, 2006 7:04 am
Last Updated:May 14, 2006 6:14 pm
651 Views
|
well... i have been gone for a while... my idiot room-mate didnt pay the damn internet bill.. so i have been watching alot of TV when i get home from work.
well.. last night i went and rented some movies. one of the movies i rented was called "Closer". it has natalie portman, jude law, and julia roberts. before you ask... yes.. i like chic flicks.
well.. i got this thinking thats what it was. and to a certain degree... it is, though it has a really fucked up ending... at least i thought so. Well anyways... it really got me thinking.
What if your entire life, your very existance, was filled with nothing but lies? how would that realization affet you? would you be upset, hurt, depressed, or even angry? would you be relieved? what if you actually wanted your current life/existance to be a lie? what if you hoped for it with every fiber of your being?
now, dont get me wrong... things are starting to finally come together for me. i have started a decent job that pays well, and has the potential to pay more. it has plenty of chances for advancement. im no longer on disability. physically, im pretty healthy now, albiet tired. socially, well... i have always had a strange social life. seems to come in spurts. sometimes its great... sometimes its not.
this movie got me thinking pretty hard about my love life, or lack there-of. since i have joined this site, my prospects have increased quite a bit. its been so long since i have even attempted to get into a relationship, that i am afraid i will screw it up. i dunno.. maybe im just thinking too hard about it. guess i shouldnt have taken all those philosophy classes back in college huh.
i dunno if i even have a point to all of this. im probably just rambling.
the question still remains in my head though. what if everything in my life was a lie? what if that wasnt such a bad thing.. meaning that it wasnt really as bad as i thought it was. after asking myself those questions... the next logical question would be... what if the lies were started by myself as a way to avoid something else? and if so, what is it im trying to avoid, and how do i find out?
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
a day off
|
Posted:Apr 17, 2006 10:12 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2006 7:03 pm
630 Views
|
wow.. a day off. spent all weekend busting my ass at work. dont ppl realize that easter weekend is meant to be with family relaxing? not going to menards to build a new deck.
o well.. it was a long weekend but i did end up with an extra 70 dollars in commisions. so i guess i cant complain.
last week i got one of those promotions without a raise sorta things. more responsibility, all that happy shit. basically.. what im doing is making sure that the ppl in my department are taking care of the Guests (we arent spose to call them customers.. too impersonal i guess). well, saturday was one of the busiest days i have had. and of course, we had alot of new guys working. well.. ishouldnt call them new.. a few of them started the same time as i did, but they are all part time, and im full time... well.. needless to say, they were slacking off.. and the general manager came looking for me to get them motivated.
so yeah.. was a long weekend. i had sent out a cpl emails here on Discreet Gay Dating hoping to maybe meet up with someone on my day off today... but to no avail 
i have been chatting with a cpl ppl though. the woman from my last entry got back to me... she told me she basically her hubby... lol.. so yeah.. at least there is one guy that is benefiting from skills..lol
o well.. life goes on.. right?
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
another day in paradise
|
Posted:Apr 14, 2006 10:03 pm
Last Updated:Apr 14, 2006 10:14 pm
652 Views
|
well.. today was another long day at work, following a long week, leading into a long weekend. yes.. i have to work easter weekend. so think of me when you go to your local lumber yard to get supplies for that home improvement project
i spent about an hour talking to someone from madison who is also registered on this site... and it was a pretty good conversation. in the end... we talked about sex, and how, for me, music is a big part of it. we talked about the diffrent types of sex from a cpl of my playlists. there is the up against the wall and fucking till ya drop, the quiet, bottle of wine, candles, fireplace, exploring each others body type sex, there is the "get er from the back" kind, and the one that sparked, what i thought, was the best kind of sex... the Evil kind. she wasnt really sure what i was talking about... so i showed her... via yahoo messenger. i gave her a copy of the song "The wretched" by NIN... and had her play it the same time that i started it... and described to her.. in detail, what i wsa talking about. after the song was done, and i was done explaining, she basically said she had to go... i can only assume to go her husband
it got me thinking about alot of things... i had a few beers prior to that.. and you know how that can get...
in the end... im hoping that it was a good thing... but i wont know till i her from her again. o well.. my fingers are crossed.
lol.. if anyone needs some clarification..lol.. give me a yell.. and i can demonstrate why i changed my intro line for ya
ps.. in case you havent noticed yet.. im adding some of my digital art to each of these blog entries... and with that.. im off to bed.. weat dreams to all that are actually reading this.. and may tomorrow be better than today
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
trying something new
|
Posted:Apr 8, 2006 4:12 pm
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2006 7:50 am
668 Views
|
well.. im trying something new. this is the first time i have tried a site like this. i decided to do it for a few reasons.
1) im tired of the bar scene.. its nothing more than a big meat market. if all i wanted was sex, it would be great, but old age must have set in somewhere... now.. i want more
2) i dont get much chance to get out and meet new ppl, especially now that i have found out i suffer from social anxiety. its weird... i can get on stage in front of 1000 ppl without breaking a sweat, but get me in a group of 5.. and force me to interact with them one on one.. and i freeze
3) this will give me a chance to get to know the ppl before i meet them face to face (see #2)
not sure if this will work or not, but i figure its worth a try
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
To link to this blog (rm_Tibarraji) use [blog rm_Tibarraji] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
|
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
|
111
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
|
|
