Eureka!
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Posted:Nov 7, 2012 10:40 am
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2012 4:42 am
6304 Views
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Springs, that is. It is a beautiful place to visit. I really like going down there, I get sucked in by all the art.
And the views are superb
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For Loud
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Posted:Nov 7, 2012 10:20 am
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2012 6:53 pm
6136 Views
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A favorite of mine at the Nelson.
"Isis carrying the water of the river Styx to Olympus for the gods to swear by" Guy Head. Painting dated 1793
Neoclassicism!
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The fart that (almost) altered my destiny
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Posted:Nov 6, 2012 5:48 am
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2012 6:53 pm
8834 Views
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I found this on the book of faces. I laughed till I hurt.
Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. Well, it can if it’s the third date with the man of your dreams. And, if it makes his eyes burn. If God destined us to be together, I was one SBD away from foiling His plans (that’s “Silent But Deadly” for you prudes).
It was about five years ago. I was trying to lose a few pounds so I was staying away from carbs. That’s when I met my husband, Rob. On our first date, he booked the next two. He liked me. I liked him. Things were looking real good.
He picked me up in a Cobra, Mustang and his pathetic attempt to win me over with a car totally worked. I’m not shallow, but since I spent most of my twenties picking men up because I didn’t want my hair to frizz in their non-air conditioned jalopies on 3 wheels and a 15 year old spare, I welcomed his fancy sports car with open arms.
We arrived at the restaurant and Rob was ordering food I hadn’t allowed myself to eat in years. I didn’t want to be “that girl” so I ate, drank, and oh, was I merry. Later we shopped a bit. Rob surprised me by buying an expensive pair of shoes that he caught me eyeing. Was this love?
That’s when it happened. Gas strikes in two different ways – uncontrollable toots or sharp, shooting pains that feel a lot like dying. I thought I was dying. Not to make a scene, I told Rob I suddenly wasn’t feeling well and probably needed to head home.
On the way home in his Cobra, he tried to hold my hand and ask me lots of questions, but I wasn’t having any of it. The pain was so bad it felt like I was being stabbed with a bunch of tiny forks. Then I realized …
My God, help me. I have a horrendous fart on deck. I’m in trouble. Big trouble.
The more I held it in, the more pain would shoot through my stomach and down my legs. I was even having to raise myself off the seat, gripping on to my door and the dashboard.
“Seriously, you need to hurry – I’m in a lot of pain.” I managed to say through gritted teeth.
“Wow, it’s that bad? What’s wrong? Do I need to take you to a hospital?”
How do you tell a man you just started dating that the reason you’re writhing in pain is because you have to fart?
Well, you can either tell him, or like me, let the fart speak for itself.
People, hear me. There was nothing I could do. As impressive as I am with sphincter control, this was out of my hands. Slowly, it eeked out. The more I tried to stop it, the more it forced its way through the door. However, to my pleasant surprise, there was no sound. I sat silently, sweat accumulating above my upper lip. Ok, maybe I got away with it. Maybe I’m home free. Then it hit me. Not an idea, a cloud. A horrific, fart cloud. Not in a, “am I smelling something?” sort of way. More like a “is someone dead and rotting in your trunk and am I in hell?” sort of way.
Suddenly, I panicked. “Roll down the windows!” I screamed (yes, I literally screamed it like I was in a horror movie).
“What? Why?” Rob asked, starting to freak out because I was freaking out.
“I can’t roll down the windows, unlock it! UNLOCK IT!”
“What’s going on?” Rob yells back to me, “Why are you …” then it hit him. I could see it in his eyes. Was it surprise? Horror? Water started to accumulate at the base of his eyelids, “Oh my God, I CAN TASTE IT!” he screamed.
“Roll down the windows!” As I screamed, the toots started to flood out uncontrollably. I scratched and clawed at the window like I was being kidnapped. Rob, unable to see either by fart cloud or panic, kept turning on the windshield wipers instead of unlocking the window.
It was chaos. We were acting like we were under siege by gun fire. We were under siege alright, just not by gun fire.
Finally he was able to hit the right control and he rolled down our windows. We both gulped in fresh air. I was horrified, yet happy to be alive, then remembered I just farted on the man of dreams, then sorta wished I was dead.
We sat silently for the rest of the way home. Although the shooting pains had subsided, I now desperately needed to use the bathroom, in an urgent, explosive kind of way.
He pulled up to my apartment and before he could come to a stop I had already jumped out, “Ok, thanks for dinner, sorry about the fart, love the shoes!” and ran in to my apartment like I was running from the cops.
I burst through my door and ran straight for the bathroom, where I was finally able to unleash and make noises that no one should ever, EVER, hear coming from another person.
Then I heard it. Rob’s voice. Right. Outside. My. Bathroom. Door.
“Anna? You left your shoes in my car and your front door was open. Where do you want me to put them?”
“Get away from the door!” I scream like Reagan from The Exorcist.
“Ok, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
*toot* *toot* *splatter* *ungodly noise*
“I’m fine, Rob – just leave the shoes there. I’ll call you later okay?”
“Okay, are you sure you’re …”
“I’m fine! Get away from the door!”
This man! I mean, I love him, but take a freakin’ hint!
Finally, I heard the front door shut, and the Cobra engine zoom away. I thought that was the last I’d hear from him. I didn’t think it was possible to ever see a man again after he screams he can taste your fart after only knowing you for 48 hours.
But, to my surprise, I did. A couple days later, actually. Now we’re married and he’s lying on the couch while I type this … “It was your rack that saved you,” he just lovingly reminded me.
Well, thank you boobs. You saved us. You saved our destiny.
About the Author:
Anna Lind Thomas is the Co-Founder/Head Writer & Designer of HaHas for HooHas
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6
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Just for Laughs
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Posted:Nov 6, 2012 5:15 am
Last Updated:Nov 6, 2012 8:47 am
6210 Views
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I'm not going to be able to share photos today, the resident is at home and in need of the computer that runs the external drive. Plus, the other computer is out in the open so I don't bring up this site when she is 'in-house'. A friend gave me this old, but surprisingly efficient little laptop. Like me, she is starting to show her age and she moves a little slower and has very little memory left. But she still gets up and goes to work for me every day, and really doesn't frustrate me as much as the other one. (It has a wonky keyboard configuration and the heel of my hand has erased whole pages of blogs I have written.)
It is another gray, gloomy, damp, chilled morning. Days like these are the enemy for me. The damp air makes my joints grind like rusty cogs, which in turn make the cogs of my brain sluggish.
So, I thought today would be a good day to share a few jokes I have been saving up, maybe some lovely vintage nudes to look at that I have squirreled away on Ol' Bessie here.
Did you know?
"Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.
Laughter boosts the immune system. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease.
Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.
Laughter protects the heart. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems."
From: HelpGuide dot Org.
So, let me see if I can make you laugh today.
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A Parting Shot
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Posted:Nov 5, 2012 9:30 am
Last Updated:Oct 22, 2013 11:20 am
7095 Views
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This handsome fellow stepped out of the woods and stood staring at us just as we were leaving.
Have a great day folks!
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An Odd Duck
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Posted:Nov 5, 2012 9:19 am
Last Updated:Nov 5, 2012 8:02 pm
6220 Views
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I am not certain if this is a juvenile White-faced Ibis, or if it is a Glossy Ibis. They are pretty similar in appearance. But he was a little off the beaten path, a good bit farther north than one would think to see them in Winter. But things like flood and drought have an affect on their migration patterns, so it is not unheard of to see one of these little fishermen.
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Incoming!!!
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Posted:Nov 5, 2012 8:41 am
Last Updated:Oct 29, 2013 8:00 am
5356 Views
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[image]
Wagner-Flight of the Valkyries was playing in my head while I was watching these guys fly in and out.
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Following an Inner Voice
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Posted:Nov 5, 2012 8:20 am
Last Updated:Nov 5, 2012 8:02 pm
6183 Views
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I shot this just before Thanksgiving last year.
We took a drive up to the far northwestern corner of Missouri to see the annual arrival of the winter migratory birds. Lesser Snow Geese numbering in the millions arrive at these marshes annually. For miles as we drove in, flocks of waterfowl of all types, numbering in the thousands, filled the sky with their familiar 'vee' as if to point the way to our destination.
My initial desire to go to Squaw Creek, (a conservation property in Mound City, Mo.), was centered around Eagles. A small population of Eagles gather there for a few months; and the rumor mill had it that there was a young Golden eagle on the property. So I left the house with only a sense of adventure and a solid hope that I would see something rare and beautiful. I found so much more to be enthralled by there however. I was almost overwhelmed by it all.
There were flocks of White Pelicans, Ibis, Heron, Cranes, Bald Eagles (and indeed the Golden as well), Different varieties of ducks and teal, killdeer, pipers. I'm telling you, it really does not get much better for a bird brain like me. The deer were also in rut, so they were not their normal timid selves. I don't think my camera ever left my hands until we were well on our way home.
There is a well maintained gravel road that surrounds the place, with pull overs and stopping points that allow a bit of walking to obtain a better view, and one very well-placed overlook that sits in the center of it all.
We took the short walk and stood on the overlook watching the symmetry of the landing groups of twenty to fifty White Pelican;. a large and clumsy looking bird on the ground with the powerful beauty of a prima ballerina in flight. They landed with military precision on the crowded waters of the marsh with a grace and ease that seemed effortless. I envy nature most of the time for the complete lack moral dilemma in their lives, but never am I more in awe than when I witness the wonder of their complexities working in complete harmony with their simplicities.
We should have it so good.
We drove around to the opposite shore of the lookout, and sat there watching as thousands of Lesser Snow Geese lifted up from the marshes as one, casting a pallid silhouette against the moody gray skies. The sound of rushing wings, their coarse-voiced cries filled the air like thunderous rain, that washed to the shore of the marsh in muted waves and trickled into my ear. Being able to be a small part of all that was around me, witnessing the miracle that is this planet and its wide diversity of harmonious life was a joyful moment, something I will never forget.
As I stood there watching and listening, I took the time to give consideration to the fact that these simple creatures all come hardwired to follow this route. They are born innately knowing that their survival, the future of their species depends on their successful completion of a 3000 mile flight from the breeding grounds of the Arctic Tundra to the Southern regions of the United States and Northern Mexico. If only I had been born to such a sure purpose. Imagine how unfettering it would be to know exactly from the moment of your birth what your purpose and role in life was to be.
I sometimes liken my conscience to this marvel of nature, this drive that these birds are born with. A small inner voice, one that speaks softly in the quiet recesses of my thoughts and bids me to follow where ever it may lead, that I might find my useful purpose.
I hope you enjoy the photos. 
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2
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I Can't See You
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Posted:Nov 3, 2012 3:48 am
Last Updated:Nov 5, 2012 10:41 pm
6858 Views
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Well, looks like the monkeys are busy.
I had a friend with the coveted gold ball check my blog posts, and although I have seen no change, no new comments since my last post...he informs me that I have at least a dozen new ones.
So I just cleared my cache, as that is the end-all, be-all repair to fix everything that is wrong around here.
Nope, I still cannot see anything.
I sent a very short email, stating that I couldn't see the comments and that I had JUST cleared my cache.
Not that I think it will do any good.
So, if you have left a comment, as soon as I can read it, I will reply to it.
Provided they 'allow' me to see the comment.
I am beginning to remember why I left here.
If anyone has a better blogging site that operates on a simple platform like this one, shoot me an email and tell me where to look.
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Withholding Comments
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Posted:Nov 2, 2012 7:47 am
Last Updated:Nov 6, 2012 7:31 am
8921 Views
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You know, I read a blog somewhere that said Discreet Gay Dating is not posting comments left by others.
Well now ain't that some shit!
I really am enough of a conspiracy theorist to wonder at times if this is not some ball-less attempt to shut down the blogging here without losing paid memberships?
Or maybe it is a way to drop bloggers who don't pay?
Therefore, I grant you this: The Dick Tater Award! Free speech need never be feared in this realm!
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7
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By Any Other Name
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Posted:Nov 1, 2012 8:06 am
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2012 5:08 pm
6166 Views
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Roses are like my friends, who add unspoken beauty to my life.
Have a good day, my friends.
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Rawr, Baby....
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Posted:Nov 1, 2012 7:58 am
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2012 5:07 pm
6697 Views
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I do not see myself as a cougar. I like people of all ages based on what is between their ears as opposed to what is in their pants. But I do know a few glorious cougars, I love them deeply and I can honestly say after drinking with a few of them? This just SO relates lol.
"They have excellent eyesight and good hearing, and are solitary, skilled night hunters. Cougars are secretive in nature and prefer to stalk their prey at close range, to utilize the element of surprise."
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To link to this blog (wildnwanton) use [blog wildnwanton] in your messages.
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