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Blogs > Red_Elf > Rewriting My Life

Life is good.  

Red_Elf 51F
578 posts
3/1/2016 11:29 pm
Life is good.
Being nonmonogamous is a complicated thing for me. I like it. It also deeply terrifies me. I spent a very long time being married to someone who was unhappy being monogamous. When I finally showed an interest in nonmonogamy, he did what many males will do--freaked the fuck out. He could handle HIMSELF talking about nonmonogamy. He could handle himself being nonmonogamous. He lost his shit when it came to me identifying how I fit within the paradigm of nonmonogamy or practicing it. Then he denied his inability to handle it.

I never said I had to be nonmonogamous. I realized I identified as being polyamorous. Yet, I was willing to just muddle through. He insisted on being nonmonogamous, anyways. I tried to muddle through. He just gradually lost it. He projected his own shit all over me and blamed me for all kinds of things. He was unwilling to hear me when I tried to help him work through things. We'd go to therapy and then he'd throw out all the new learning. It became a total and utter clusterfuck.

So, terrified.

That being said, I've been seeing someone I deeply and utterly adore for more than a couple of years. I trust him more deeply than I've ever trusted anyone in my entire life. We started nonmonogamously, but wound up being monogamous for awhile because other things dropped off. He wanted to go back. I was extremely nervous. He's been helping me work through my anxieties about it. Now I've started seeing others. I'm finding interesting people to meet. I found one I'm interested in seeing a lot more of, someone I talked to for awhile before I found time. Turns out there's some really good chemistry there.

And so, life is good. I'm kind of glad there are kind, vulnerable, compassionate, magical people in the world, and it makes me happy when I finally meet them.

MOST of the time I'm well behaved...but if you weren't, and, enjoyed having your ass handed to you, visit my blog and become a subscriber. There you can read all about how I am actively authoring, and rewriting, my life .

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s2ndegree 65M
9800 posts
3/2/2016 12:03 am

 I second that hmmm.
Using more than all the road!


discreteSteve62 50M
2169 posts
3/24/2016 12:47 am

 I understand the double standard. It's easy for people to wish for non-exclusivity for themselves but still be uncomfortable with sharing their partner.

But for a relationship to work, everyone has to agree on the same rules.
- If both partners are OK with sharing the other, it's OK for both to be non-exclusive.
- If neither partner is OK with sharing the other, neither should play with others.
- If partner "A" is OK with sharing partner "B", but B is not OK with sharing A, it's probably a bad idea for B to play with others unless they're both OK with double standard rules.


Red_Elf replies on 3/24/2016 2:17 pm:
And people need to be fucking honest with themselves and not blame others when it doesn't work out after they lied about what they could handle.

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